Sunday, December 4, 2011


For last little while I have been struggling a bit with keeping my momentum. I really  don't know why. I have come so far in the last three years. I have lost almost 100 pounds, I have a resting pulse of 54 and my blood pressure is 96/58. I haven't been this healthy in I don't know how long. But, ever since early fall, I have had to work really hard at continuing to move forward.
This is different for me. I have always seen my role as the cheerleader, helping to motivate people to do something good for themselves. Yet here I am, feeling a lack of motivation. As I have been thinking about it, there have been a number of setbacks. A big one has been my sore knees. I have been fretting about that a fair bit. Have I made the mistake of leaving things for so long that I have done permanent damage to myself? I don't know. Quite frankly, I am a afraid of finding out. The last thing I want to hear is, "You just can't do that anymore." I just started!
Most recently I have been sick. Some kind of cold or sinus thing. Two weeks of dragging myself into work then going home and collapsing. Every morning I have woken up with a migraine that felt like it would kill an elephant. I have drugs for that so I would take them but I couldn't take anything for the sinus thing. It has been awful.
At work, everyone is concerned about their job, about the viability of the plant and the company. You hear things like they want you to bring back any pens and that kind of thing you may have gone home with. They say we need to cut back everywhere. But pens? Are you serious? Do you really want to scare the heck out of people that badly?
And of course, there is Christmas. If you read my blog last year about Christmas, you know what I think about that holiday.
These things one at a time? No problem. I can deal with that. Pile it all on in one very short time and even the cheerleaders can get a bit overwhelmed. So what do I do? How do I get myself back in gear? I need to fix this! I HATE setbacks.
It is my job as I see it to try and encourage people to reach just a bit, to try just a little harder, to just put that next foot forward. Yet here I have been feeling pushed down. I feel almost guilty for it. How can I do my job if I can't do this simple thing for myself? So I need to go back a couple of steps and practice what I preach. One foot in front of the other. Look at what it is that is pulling me back.

Could it have something to do with the change in the weather? Maybe, I'm not sure. The cooler temperatures have made it harder for me to keep up my running. I have been forced to get the house ready for winter. I never have liked this job. It has always felt like I am putting part of myself away for the winter. I love being outside. I aways have. I would so much prefer working out in the back of our property, cutting new trails, cleaning up fallen trees, helping the forest grow. I don't know why. Practically no one else sees it. There is just something about being out there that makes me feel good. So why does this have to stop just because it is getting cooler? It doesn't. I have completed the main path around the outside of our property. We have cross-country skis, we just got snowshoes and I am stronger and healthier. I can get out there and enjoy this kind of activity. I can make use of the paths I have been working so hard on. Winter does not have to stop me anymore.
Work. Mine and my family's financial security. I need my job, just like everybody else. I make fun of it sometimes, I ridicule it other times, but I do need it. I need 5 more years before I can breathe easy about it. Then, I would be thrilled to death to be offered a buyout. But is there anything I can do about the state of the business? Not really. I can do my job to the best of my ability, I can take some pens back in, I can encourage the people I work with. Past that, not much else I can do. If I stop and think about it, that is something. Maybe not a huge thing in the overall picture, but who says it won't help? Not me.
My knees. Now this is a big one for me. I need to find out what is going on here. I need to get things working properly. But, should this stop me from continuing on my fitness program? No, of course not. I can work so hard at karate, to the point that I almost drop and that doesn't bother my knees so much. I can do my weight training without stressing my knees, there are all kinds of things I can do. But I really want to be able to do all of this and to run as well. Still scared about it, but I have find out what needs to be done.
Christmas. Well, I can't very well stop it from happening. It looks like this year is going to involve the usual running around, spending too much money and eating too much. So what can I do about that? Well maybe I can share more about how I would like to see Christmas spent. Do we really need to spend all that money? Do we really need to eat that much? Do we really need an excuse to get together with friends and family? No. Maybe I will try to express that a bit by just showing how happy it can make us just to get together and share the day.

Sickness. Not much to do there. Except maybe be a little more careful about some of the basics like washing my hands more often, using hand sanitizer. I think I let my guard down a bit on this front. I haven't really been sick like this ever since I started my health kick. I think maybe I got the mentality of, "It can't happen to me. It happens to the other guy, not me." Well I was wrong, big time. It can happen to anyone. I know I make a very bad sick person. My wife can vouch for that. I just want to crawl into bed and stay there.
Looking back on all of this, there is nothing here that can't be dealt with. I just need to do it. This is one of the reasons I blog. It is kind of therapy for me. Just break it down, take it apart and find out what needs to be done to fix it. I do the same thing at my job every day. I fix things. Now, I need to apply that to me and get going again. Make my adjustments if needed but just get going. Today I did my first run in almost two weeks! It felt good. Step number one.

1 comment:

  1. Here is me cheerleading for you...

    Brian, Brian, he's our man if he can't do it no one can!

    Sickness and xmas will take care of themselves if you're patient... something fun and meaningful for the holidays... check out #occupyxmas !!