Kilt Run 3rd Stage

It has been a few weeks now since the Kilt Run so I have had a chance to think about my feelings and plans, post-Kilt Run.

I have to say that I was a bit surprised to find myself feeling let down for couple of days after the run. I think I was focused so intently on preparing myself for this one event that once it was over, I felt a loss of purpose set in. It was the “now what” feeling that I was not expecting.

As I think about it now, I can see that I briefly allowed myself to feel that I had accomplished everything I set out to accomplish. This was short-sighted of me. I had missed the point of what this run should have been all about. It was about getting healthy and fit both physically and mentally. It was about rising to the challenge. Not just the challenge of this particular event but the challenges we face every day as part of our normal lives. It was about being able to feel good about myself and moving forward.

With this now clear to me, I find that I am less prone to backing away from something that looks hard. I have even stepped right in a couple of times on some tough jobs rather than putting them off, secretly hoping they will magically go away. There is no magic. The nasty things in life don’t too often just go away. Sometimes, you just have to step up and do it.

The other big thing for me is knowing I am never in this alone. I always have the support of Sara. Where would we be if we didn’t have support from family and friends when there are difficulties in life to face down. It is always reassuring to know that no matter what, I have that support and encouragement there to help drive me on or dig me out.

I have decided that my next physical challenge will be completing a half marathon this year. For me, this is not just climbing a hill, it’s going to be like scaling a mountain (naked...in the winter...during a storm...). This is something that does scare me a bit and certainly makes me step back and think hard about just how big of a task this is going to be. But if it wasn’t a bit scary, I don’t think it would really be a challenge. I am smart about this kind of thing. I am not going to push myself to the point of no return. So what is the very worst thing that could happen? I might have to stop part way through the run. That’s it. And even then I can still be happy about giving it my best. So here we go. I am all signed up and will be running my first half marathon September 18 with the goal of crossing the finish line. Wish me luck.

The Army Run

This run is for a truly great cause. The run raises money to help support sick or injured soldiers and to help support the families of our military. These are very special people that deserve our help and support. Here is a group of Canadians going out there, willing to put everything on the line in support of their country. To me, it is a great honour to have the opportunity to participate in this run with these very special people. I am very much looking forward to meeting them and being able to say thank you!

The Three Stages of the Kilt Run

It was suggested to me by one of my friends that I should write a post on my experience with the Kilt Run. At first I really didn't think there was enough to write about focusing on a single event. After giving this some though I came to realize just how much has been going on in my life around this run. So thanks for the suggestion and here it is.

The Three Stages of the Kilt Run

Stage 1: Preparation

I started think that I would be able to do this 8K run very early this spring and started preparing for it. It really gave me something to focus my interest in running on. I did a quite a bit of reading on different running techniques, I sought out advice on the proper type of shoe and clothing and I began to put together my own training program. I participated in two other 5K races to help prepare myself for what it would be like to start in a crowd.

When I started back at running this spring, most of my training was done alone, running the back roads of our neighbourhood. I use the term "neighbourhood" loosely. As I have mentioned in previous posts, we live in a secluded rural setting. My neighbours have gotten used to seeing me out running as much as five times a week. Days that I was not actually out running, I was working out at home. Preparing for this race was taking up quite a lot of my time and focus. Between karate and running evenings were full. And quite frankly I was really enjoying myself.

Now I had the mental demands of karate and the added physical demand of training for the Kilt Run. The big race was quickly approaching and I felt ready and eager.

Stage 2: The Day of the Race

Here it was, July 2, 2011. The big day had finally arrived. I was excited but calm. This in itself surprised me a bit. I the not very distant past, something as big as this in my life would have had me sleepless for a number of days and unable to focus on or even think about anything else. This often resulted in my wish to just get it over with so I could go back to normal life. But instead, here I was, sleeping well, focused on life and moving forward.

This new-found calmness I attribute first and foremost to my training at Sakura Martial Arts followed closely by my running. I learned how to train for running largely by what I was taught in karate, which gave me the ability and discipline to stay focused and work hard. Both disciplines combined have brought a strengthening of resolve and a clarity of purpose to my life. Now here it was, race day. I got up on the morning of the 2nd, well rested and ready to go. Now all I had to do was keep it together until the start of the race scheduled for 6:00 p.m.

My wife and I decided to go into town in the early afternoon to pick up my race number and kilt and to have a look around at some of the activities that were going on. This would allow us to beat any kind of rush and to be able to go back home for a late lunch and a bit of time to relax before the race.

We came back into town around 4:00 to watch the tug-of-war competition. It was quite fun to look around and see more and more people showing up in kilts. I have never seen that many men wearing a dress, gathered in one location before.

Around 5:00 we went to the dojo, which is located right across from the Start/Finish line, to meet up with the other seven people from the club that were participating in the race. At this point I have to admit that I was starting to feel some nerves. But I was still feeling together and ready. I kept telling myself that it was just 8K. By this time in my training, I had run this distance more than a dozen times and on much hillier terrain. I can do this, but O MY it was HOT. We donned our kilts and went out into the gathering crowd.

I could hardly believe what I was seeing! The couple of previous races I entered in had no more than 100 participants. Now, here I was being led to the starting line by a pipe-and-drum band with just under 1,100 other runners. It was amazing! The atmosphere among the runners was like a huge party. Everybody was upbeat, happy and ready to go.

The start was a shotgun start. I didn't know the significance of that until a few days after the race. The shotgun went off and the runners began filing throughout the starting gate. I had decided to place myself back from the start toward the back of the crowd, just to avoid getting trampled. As it turned out, all the runners filed through the starting gate in a very orderly fashion. As I got up to the start, I noticed a big timer that showed 1:30. It had taken me that long just to cross the starting line. Off I went, adrenaline pumping,  pacer running in my hand and my iPod playing my music track that I had set up for the race.

At first I was concerned that I was doing something wrong. I was passing people at a very quick pace. I had practiced running at this pace. How could it be wrong? I decided not to worry about it, run my plan and just go for it, so that was what I did. Deep breathing, keeping my pace, watching my form and passing people at every opportunity.

After about 2K I saw Sensei Laurie. She was on the other side of a group I had just gone around. Later, she told me that at this stage of the race, I was her "rabbit". She was just going to keep me in sight and match my pace.

At 3K we hit the golf course part of the run. No trees, no shade, just lots of heat and man it was hot. I started to feel like I was running on top of a hotplate. 2K into the golf course part of the run Sensei decided to pass me. I was hot and felt like I was slowing down. Very little passing going on now. There were probably more people passing me than I was passing. But when I watched Sensei go by I thought, "No way am I slowing now. I can do this! It is just time to dig down and go!" So that is what I did. Sensei became my rabbit. I kept pace with her staying behind by not more than 10 feet.

We finally came to the end of the golf course part of the run and were approaching a water station. Very unexpectedly, a few runners right in front of Sensei stopped at the water station forcing her to come to a sudden stop. I was concentrating so hard on staying behind her that I had to just about jump to avoid crashing right into the bunch of them. I went by at what seemed a very fast pace. I looked behind me to see Sensei coming up even with me.

Less than 2K to go. Sensei and I were running side by side. I was feeling burned out and I know she could tell I was starting to struggle. She stayed right there beside me encouraging me to keep going just by being there. I can do this!! DIG!

We turned the corner onto Gore Street. The finish line was in sight! Two runners suddenly came right up on us. Sensei looked over at me and said, "Come on Brian, LET'S GO!!" And go we did! We sprinted in lockstep to the finish line. No one was going to pass us now!

We crossed the finish line practically side by side. It felt GREAT! To make this run in this heat and cross the finish line with Sensei. What a rush! I was excited, I was gasping for breath, I was pumped, I was ALIVE!!!!!! There couldn't have been a better feeling of accomplishment.

Sensei Laurie and I made our way off to the side and started to watch for the other Sakura runners. I found myself standing beside the finish line, yelling and cheering every runner that came across. I knew what it took because I put it out there and did it myself. We cheered and yelled for every runner and ran around to meet each of the Sakura runners as they came across. What a rush!

After the last of the Sakura runners crossed the finish line, the adrenaline stated to drop off and I headed up to the dojo to change out of my very wet running shirt. Sara and I decided to hang around for a bit to catch some of the awards ceremony. I had cooled down and come back down to earth but I was still filled with a huge feeling of accomplishment. We saw that the times had been posted so I made my way up to the list and found my time. Out of  1098 runners I had placed 324 with a time of 47:58. The target time I had set for myself was 48 minutes so I had beat that and was quite pleased about it. But I really thought I had done a bit better than that. It was a few days later that I found out about the significance of the shotgun start. 47:58 minus 1:30 equals an actual time of 46:28. My best time ever for 8K.

The run was over. All the training I had been doing had paid off. I made it through my first big race. It was a truly great experience. One problem...

Stage 3: Now What!!??

Deer on the Road

It has been a big couple of weeks for me. I was preparing for a grading in karate and today is the day before the Kilt Run. I trained very hard for both of these events.

A couple of days ago I was out for a run along my usual route. I was concentrating very hard on the run as well as going over my katas in my head. I suddenly noticed a couple of deer standing in the road not more than a couple of hundred feet up in front of me. As I approached, they both ran off to the side of road and, I thought, into the woods. As I got closer, I could see that they had just gone off to the edge of the tree line along the road.

As I got closer, I could see there were actually three of them, all standing there, watching me very closely. I was a bit surprised that they continued to stand right where they were even as I ran past then, not more than 50 feet away. They just stood there and watched me as I went by. I had this image run through my head of the three of them standing there talking to each other as they watched me.

"There he goes again," says one of them.

A second says, "There must be something wrong with guy!"

The third one says to the others, "He's out here a lot these days. I think he's been spending far too much time in the sun."

This made me laugh so hard that I am sure if someone did see me at that time, running along the side of the road laughing the way I was, they would have thought that their fear for my state of mind was well-founded.

I have to admit that I am feeling a bit nervous about the Kilt Run tomorrow but I am sure I will get through it. All I am going to need to do is think back to those three deer at the side of the road watching me go by. I just hope I don't break out laughing.

Just goes to show that sometimes you can take life too seriously. Maybe every now and then you need to slow down and listen to the deer.

P.S. I am very happy to say that I have moved up to my green belt.

Frustration

Have you ever had one of those days where you feel like everyone and everything goes wrong? Where the entire world around you is conspiring against you? A couple of days ago, I did.

I have been working very hard at beating this kind of thing. There was a time in my life where this feeling of frustration and anger owned me. This was part of my battle with the BEAST that I talked about in a earlier post. But I have to confess, every once in awhile, I still have to go through this fight.

The other day, it just seemed to go wrong from the start. I slept in so I had to run around to get to work on time. In the process, I forgot part of my lunch. As soon as I got to work, there were people waiting for me with issues that had to be resolved as soon as possible. Being part of the maintenance department in my plant, I participate in planned preventive maintenance on certain machines on certain dates. This day, I was covering all of the rest of the plant for emergency repairs while the rest of the maintenance department concentrated on a single machine center. This is a normal part of the operation. But for some reason, today as the day went on, it felt more and more like the entire plant was falling apart around my ears!

It seemed like every time I stood still, someone else needed my help. These were all totally legitimate things that needed to be done and this kind of thing does sometimes happen but for some reason on this particular day, it was getting to me.

Toward the end of the day, my boss came up to me and asked if things were going all right. He obviously knew it was a very hectic day. I just wanted to scream, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?" But I didn't. I told him I could use some help finishing up a couple of repairs as soon as someone was available to help and he did this.

At the end of the day, everything was fixed, the rest of the team got through the preventive maintenance of the machine center they were working on and I still got out on time. I walked out of the door of plant thinking, I need to get home and do something for myself to calm my nerves and get back to where I should be. I was still fighting the Beast.

As soon as I got home, I changed into my workout gear and started my usual routine, thinking that this would bring me the peace of mind I needed, but under the surface, things were still churning.

After completing my workout, I headed out for my run. I am preparing for the upcoming Kilt Run so I am working on my pace for this 8K run. I got down to the end of my driveway, started my music, hit the stopwatch and headed down the road.

Thinking back on it now, I realize that as I headed down the road, I was still thinking about the day. I was practically grinding my teeth. I had forgotten all about what the workout was supposed to do for me and I was hanging on to my anger and frustration.

As my run progressed, I worked at distracting myself away from the frustrations of the day and tried to concentrate on the run. I was running hard. I was pushing as hard as I could. I was beginning to feel like my body was not cooperating with me. I needed more!

When I saw the end of the my driveway approaching, I pushed even harder. As I hit the driveway, I hit the stopwatch. I was panting like a dog. I stood there for a couple of seconds and then looked at the stopwatch. My first reaction was anger. What the @#%* is going on! Along with everything else today, even my body is conspiring against me! My time is slower. How could this be?!

I walked down my driveway toward the house feeling frustration and anger. I started to go through my normal cool down routine and worked at calming myself down as I did this. After about 10 minutes, I had managed to get ahold of myself, went into my office and started up my computer in order to enter my numbers in my running log.

I opened up my log and had to do a double-take at the numbers there. I looked back at my stopwatch and again at my log. I had just completed my fastest run ever! Suddenly everything came clear. I had let my head get so full of frustration and anger, I was blinded by it. The Beast had gotten the better of me. At that instant, everything drained away. The anger and frustration was gone. How foolish of me.

The next day, I was up on time, I got to work, had a busy day preparing for a very big upcoming job, came home and did the same run. This time, I did it with a clear and calm head. I focused my energy on letting everything else go. When I got back to the end of my driveway, I hit the stopwatch, checked my time and found I had just beat my time from yesterday. Another personal best.

What I learned form this is that the Beast is always there and letting it surface does nothing for you but harm. How pointless. But now I know I have to always be vigilant and aware of the signs. Tomorrow I will be running with other member of the karate club. I am very much looking forward to this and that feeling of accomplishing something when I run or work out or go to my karate class.

Doors with Rooms

 I often hear people talk about the doors they pass through as they go through life, different stages they go through as they progress. One door closes and another door opens. I am sure this is true for most people including me, but what about the rooms on the other side of those doors? Those rooms are a big part of our lives. They also guide us toward that next door. Often there is a choice that has to be made as to what door you are going open.

For myself, I would have to say that my life has not been one full of doors. That is not to say I haven't had a good and interesting life because, for the most part, I have. Maybe it is because of how I define "doors" that makes the difference. To me, a door is just the opening or a passage to a new stage. Once you cross through that door, you enter the room or the next stage of your life.

One room I remember with great fondness is my childhood. I had a dream childhood, a father who cared deeply about us and a mother who loved and cared for us above all else. We were not a rich family financially by any stretch of the imagination but we had each other, and life around our house was always happy and filled with many adventures.

One of  those adventures was camping. It was wonderfully new every time. We were like world explorers stepping out into the wilds of the unknown. You never knew what strange beast was just around the next juniper bush or what undiscovered indigenous people you would encounter on the other side of the lake. If you looked really hard at night, you could sometimes see them performing some kind of mysterious dance around a campfire. And all of this from the safety of our campsite in Algonquin Park under the constant watchful eye of our parents.

As I grew up, the room I entered was one where I prepared myself to give to my future family what my parents had given to me. That became for me what life was all about. I had to find a well-paying job, find a good house in a good neighbourhood and prepare to be a good parent. This was the room that I saw as my main target and purpose in life.

When I finally reached the door that led into the room of parenthood, I was ready. My plan was complete and solid, or so I thought. But everything was about to change. I quickly realized that you can plan until you're blue in the face but for some reason, life doesn't alway go along with the plan. My kids were certanly a big change from what I thought it would be like.

When my son Christopher was born, I stepped from the room of preparation into the room of parenthood. This room was scary, exciting, happy, sad - did I leave anything out? The room that had opened was what I had been working toward all of my life. But as they say, the best laid plans of mice and men... Regardless of the amount of preparation I had put into this plan, it had to be modified, constantly.

I did my best while I was in this room. I took a very active role in raising my kids. Even though the plan did not go exactly as I had envisioned, life did go on. From this room came two very wonderful people that I am very, very proud of. Now it was time to move on.

Another door was opening leading to a room I knew nothing about and had given very little thought to. Here I was in a room that I had not planned for. I had made the mistake of not considering what came after kids. What was I supposed to do here anyway?? When I first stepped in, it was empty, completely and utterly empty. It was a pretty scary place to be, at first. In my mind, I had not even considered this room. I had gone straight to retirement. All this time I was thinking too far ahead. I had been concentrating so hard on what I perceived as the next room, retirement, I wasn't ready for this one. Midlife.

So here I am, furnishing this room from scratch. What do I need to do to make it work? I have been stumbling through the room of midlife for a few years now. It has been full of many surprises. One of those surprises has been myself. I have discovered that I have interests of my own. I have found so many things that I want to do. Some are a bit far-fetched like taking a cruise around the world or sculpting in steel. I always wanted to be an artist. Other things like learning about the martial arts are more real. I currently have an orange belt in karate and I have started studying Iaido, the art of the Japanese sword.

So, as I pick my way through this room, building, changing and rebuilding, it is beginning to look like a bit of an adventure. So here I am again fighting with my enemy, time. Once again there just never seems to be enough of it. I often find myself getting mad at myself for sitting still and wasting some of this oh-so-precious commodity. I need to keep going to reach my goal for this room. The trouble is, I don't really know what my goal is! Do I even need a goal while I am here? Maybe I should go back and start the previous room over again so I can be better prepared, have a better plan. But I can't. Once those doors are closed, that's it, there is no going back.

As I have been trying to figure this out, I am beginning to see that this room has windows in it. This is a first for me. I can see or at least sense what may be on the other side of that next door. Retirement. That must be what all this is about. I am getting life in order for retirement. Now, with all that I am trying to do, the door to the next room almost feels too close sometimes. I'm not ready. There is so much I need to do. So many things I need to get ready. Can I afford it? Do I want it? Again, what will I do??

My instinct and training tells me I need to plan, in detail, for what is going to happen next. I can't help but try to plan just about everything. Life can be so full, how can you just let it happen? You might miss something.

The reality is that no matter how much planning you do, life still just happens. I am not for a second suggesting that planning is a waste of time. I am just saying that sometimes things just don't work out the way you plan. Sometimes you just have to let go, step through that door into the next room and let it happen. After all, isn't that what retirement is all about? I hope so.

Sharing

I have been working at Goju Ryu karate for about a year-and-a-half now. I have had the opportunity during this time to lead the class a couple of times in warm-up exercises. It is a normal thing for Sensei Laurie to do. Giving students of different ranges of experience a chance to take a small but important lead during class is a great thing.

The first time I did it, I was quite nervous about it. I had to stop and think as to just what we should be doing and what should be next. Sempai Frank picked up on this the first time and suggested I just relax and breathe. Good advice. As it turned out, I really enjoyed doing it.

That really should not have been any kind of surprise to me. I do some training at work and I have always enjoyed doing that, but this was different. Karate was and still is something very new to me. Here I was being encouraged to lead the beginning portion of a class. Very cool! As you know from my earlier postings, karate has very quickly become a very important thing to me and here I am in a small leadership role.

Over the past few weeks we have been focusing on our fitness level. Sensei has asked us to think of something we would like to work on. This is all being done with some focus on the upcoming Kilt Run. This is an 8K run in Perth where most of the participants run wearing a kilt. Quite a novel idea put on by the local running shop called The Running Goat.

To get off on a bit of a tangent, I very clearly remember driving back into town last year after being away on vacation to see all these people running around in kilts and many of them had their faces painted blue. I thought the whole town had gone crazy. What a sight!

To get back on track here, I thought since I had just started running myself and doing quite a bit of research on different exercises for running, I would volunteer to put together an exercise routine for one of our classes geared specifically toward running. Sensei thought it was a great idea and encouraged me to put it together and do it. I could have as much class time as I needed for it. This was great! The chance to share with the class some of my passion for exercise and a new-found love, running.

I spent the next week putting this together and was all ready to go when I managed to injure myself. I pulled a calf muscle and my Achilles tendon. I had to go to Sensei and ask for an extension in time so I could be 100% ready to lead and participate in this class. Next thing that went wrong in a manner of speaking, was work. Working for a living can really get in the way sometimes.

Actually, the job that came up was part of a very big project that I have a part in. Very exciting stuff so I shouldn't really complain. The end result of these delays was me getting more nervous about such a big deal as leading the class through a routine that I designed.

Sensei Laurie was great about the delays. It did not seem to concern her a bit. She just encouraged me to keep working on it. And work on it I did. Probably too much. I took apart the routine and redid it so many times. The end result was the routine that I basically started with in the first place.

I decided that it would fun to name this routine so the first thing to come to mind was Eye of the Tiger, thank to Derek, a fellow student who seems to really enjoy a good hard workout. Thanks, Derek.

Finally, no more excuses. It was time to put up or shut up and for me, the second option just wasn't there. I had put together a music soundtrack and took it into the dojo. As I got started, I was feeling a bit anxious about it. I had spent quite a bit of time working on the tempo of the routine, trying to keep in mind the different fitness levels I would be working with and the ultimate goal of improving everyone's fitness level and most importantly, for everyone to feel challenged but to have some fun doing it.

As the end of the routine approached, I was very pleased to see everyone fully engaged and working hard but not stressed. I think I got it right.  What a great feeling! Everyone had a bit of fun and a really good workout. I was so thrilled to be able to share this with the group. Derek came up to me and told me he loved it. Thanks Derek! Eye of the Tiger my friend!

Here I am, an orange belt helping black belts and the rest of my fellow Karataka train. Wow! It was truly a great feeling to be so accepted and appreciated for what I could bring to the table. I am always so impressed with this club and with Sensei Laurie. Leadership and inspiration. Also this group of people I had the opportunity to share this with. Sempai Frank, Sempai Gordon and everyone else. What an amazing group of people.

At the end of the class, Sensei Laurie announced that the next fitness class done by me would be in three weeks. I think she liked it.

I have to admit to a bit of pride when the following class Sensei said that she was a bit stiff from the workout. It was a challenge to everyone there, including me! There are about eight of us that will be doing the Kilt Run. I am really looking forward to this. It is quite a privilege to work with this group of people and be part of the karate community.

Next workout, Rolling Thunder!

The Spirit That Moves You (or Moves Around You)

Have you ever had the feeling when sitting in an empty room, that you aren’t alone? Or maybe when you have been lost in a book or sitting at your desk concentrating on something, out of the corner of your eye or think you see a shadow moving. What is this? Is your mind just playing tricks on you? Is it just a reflection from the window behind you? Maybe the curtain just fluttered a bit in the breeze. But the window isn’t open.

For me, these occurrences seem to happen when I am in a state of deep concentration or a meditative state of mind. I find myself in this state of mind most often when I am in a workout or out running down one of our back roads. Exercise has come to be almost meditative for me. Since I have been exercising quite a bit these days, I seem to be seeing these little tricks of the mind or shadows (if that is what you chose to believe they are) much more often.

I know of some people who believe they are sensitive to the presence of spirits around them. Originally I had never dismissed this kind of thing out of hand but I have always been skeptical. The human brain is an amazing thing. When we are not using all of its functions that we normally use in every day life, when we are concentrating on one thing alone, maybe the parts of our brain that are at rest aren’t really at rest or idle. Maybe they are creating these shadows in our mind’s eye to remind us that they are still there and want something to do. Or maybe these parts of our brain become much more sensitive to our surroundings when they are allowed to be clear and quiet. Maybe what we think our mind’s eye is seeing, we really are seeing.

Since I have started studying martial arts, I have been practicing on quieting the noise we all create in our own minds. All those extra thoughts that are always rattling around in there. What’s for dinner tonight, did I remember to turn off the oven, what was I suppose to pick up at the grocery store. The list goes on and on. When I started noticing all of this background clutter, I started paying a little more attention to it and I realize just what an incredibly noisy place the brain is. It just never stops!

In my martial arts training I am working on quieting my mind to allow me to focus on my training. As I have been progressing with this, I have been using this mind quieting during my regular workouts to just let the energy of my body flow. This seems to take me to a state of meditation. It seems to be at this time I sometimes see or feel these fleeting glimpses of things around me. That shadow that moves or that subtle feeling that someone is standing beside me or watching me.

Personally, I guess I am not sure just what I believe. I like to think all things are possible. I like to think that even though I am essentially by myself, maybe I have help. Maybe someone is there helping me in my struggles and at these times of a quiet mind, I see these tiny little glimpses of this.

Is there such a thing as a house of souls? I don’t know. Is there such a thing as a past life? I would like to think so. So let’s call it my choice to believe that we are never really alone. I like to think that there is a group of unseen supporters out there helping me move forward and times when I am engaged in something physical like a workout or practicing a karate kata or an iaido wazu, I like to think that the warrior I was from a long past life is there with me, helping me battle forward in my quest to battle and conquer my own demons.