The Spirit That Moves You (or Moves Around You)

Have you ever had the feeling when sitting in an empty room, that you aren’t alone? Or maybe when you have been lost in a book or sitting at your desk concentrating on something, out of the corner of your eye or think you see a shadow moving. What is this? Is your mind just playing tricks on you? Is it just a reflection from the window behind you? Maybe the curtain just fluttered a bit in the breeze. But the window isn’t open.

For me, these occurrences seem to happen when I am in a state of deep concentration or a meditative state of mind. I find myself in this state of mind most often when I am in a workout or out running down one of our back roads. Exercise has come to be almost meditative for me. Since I have been exercising quite a bit these days, I seem to be seeing these little tricks of the mind or shadows (if that is what you chose to believe they are) much more often.

I know of some people who believe they are sensitive to the presence of spirits around them. Originally I had never dismissed this kind of thing out of hand but I have always been skeptical. The human brain is an amazing thing. When we are not using all of its functions that we normally use in every day life, when we are concentrating on one thing alone, maybe the parts of our brain that are at rest aren’t really at rest or idle. Maybe they are creating these shadows in our mind’s eye to remind us that they are still there and want something to do. Or maybe these parts of our brain become much more sensitive to our surroundings when they are allowed to be clear and quiet. Maybe what we think our mind’s eye is seeing, we really are seeing.

Since I have started studying martial arts, I have been practicing on quieting the noise we all create in our own minds. All those extra thoughts that are always rattling around in there. What’s for dinner tonight, did I remember to turn off the oven, what was I suppose to pick up at the grocery store. The list goes on and on. When I started noticing all of this background clutter, I started paying a little more attention to it and I realize just what an incredibly noisy place the brain is. It just never stops!

In my martial arts training I am working on quieting my mind to allow me to focus on my training. As I have been progressing with this, I have been using this mind quieting during my regular workouts to just let the energy of my body flow. This seems to take me to a state of meditation. It seems to be at this time I sometimes see or feel these fleeting glimpses of things around me. That shadow that moves or that subtle feeling that someone is standing beside me or watching me.

Personally, I guess I am not sure just what I believe. I like to think all things are possible. I like to think that even though I am essentially by myself, maybe I have help. Maybe someone is there helping me in my struggles and at these times of a quiet mind, I see these tiny little glimpses of this.

Is there such a thing as a house of souls? I don’t know. Is there such a thing as a past life? I would like to think so. So let’s call it my choice to believe that we are never really alone. I like to think that there is a group of unseen supporters out there helping me move forward and times when I am engaged in something physical like a workout or practicing a karate kata or an iaido wazu, I like to think that the warrior I was from a long past life is there with me, helping me battle forward in my quest to battle and conquer my own demons.

What's Wrong With That Guy!

I have started training for my next goal in my fitness plan. I hope to be able to do at least one 15K run before the snow flies next winter. I have started this by adding to and altering my current exercise routine. This is going to be a reach for me but I believe that it is important to stretch one's self mentally and physically.

While I was down visiting relatives a short time ago, I went to the YMCA as I usually do. This time however I did something a bit different. This Y is a beautiful facility. It is very clean, there is a very good variety of equipment and they have an indoor track.

After spending my normal amount of time do my regular workout, I went up to the track and just started running. Not too hard, just a nice steady pace. This track is not huge, it takes 8 revolutions to make one kilometer. I started keeping count of each lap I was doing but after about 10 laps, I lost count so I just kept going.

After about half an hour I stopped and did my usual stretching. It was then that I realized that I must have covered about 8K including the 4½K I had done on the treadmill. Not bad, I thought. I was tired but hadn't overdone it by any means. This was very encouraging. I know I have a knee problem from too many years of carrying around all that extra body weight but even my knees seemed okay with it. I have no doubt it will be a different situation once I can start running outside again but I think there is hope.

The next step for me is to figure out a pace. I have a tendency to go to hard at first, even in my 5K runs, so this is going to be pretty important. I was a bit disappointed the other day when I set a pace on the treadmill, started running and went for about 45 minutes. I only covered just over 5K. My pace is too slow and running for that kind of time on the treadmill is just so boring! Along with the boredom, my knees started to get a bit sore.

It has been a couple of weeks now. I have spent some time doing reasurch into different running techniques. I came across a technique called Chi Riunning. Being a person interested in the martial arts, this sounded very interesting to me. I did some investigating on the Web and bought a book on this running style and started practicing it. Much to my delight, it seems to be working for me.

The weather is finally getting warmer and I am getting back out on our back roads to practice this technique. The next thing I know, I am running without pain. WOW! I can't believe it. It is early yet but already, I am so very pleased. So pleased that I dicided to sign up for a 5K run to raise money for Japan. A good cause and I am sure it will be an interesting experience.

Many years ago, I had signed up for what was called a 5K Fun Run. I did this a couple of times and never really found it much fun. Now here I am, almost 30 years later, doing it again. But this time it is different. At the end of the work day, I can't wait to get home so I can get out for a run. Just 5K but so far just this week, I have already run 23K and I still have the race on Saturday to go.

I very clearly remember, like it was yesterday (because it practically was), driving past these people who were running along the side of the road and I would think that they must be out of minds. Who would do that! It also seemed to me that the expression on their faces was that of pain. I would sarcastically say to my wife, now there goes someone who really looks like they're having fun. Now look at me. I am turning into one of them. I have to chuckle to myself when I see the expression on the faces of some people as they drive by me. What's wrong with that guy!

I don't plan to ever run a marathon or anything like that, but I seem to have found something to add to my list of things to do that I both enjoy and are good for me. There just seems to be something so peaceful about it. I have no doubt that to some people, a 5K run would seem like nothing at all, but to me, just at the beginning of this thing, it seems quite amazing. When I am out there running along our back roads by myself, everything that went on before and everything that is going to go happen after, just fades away into nothing for that little piece of time. It is just me, the road, and the beauty of my surroundings.

Next week, 10K!! Can't wait!

The Ultimate Loss

Sometimes I feel so surrounded by it. In the past few weeks, the child of a friend of mine committed suicide. This was followed later that same week by the news that a friend of mine who is around my age passed away after having a very serious bout of pneumonia. Most recently I learned that my cousin who is only a couple of years older than I am has just this morning passed away as a result of cancer.

I know that death is an unavoidable fact of life. Sooner or later it will catch up with all of us. I just hope it is later. I know I am getting older but at this age we should be looking forward to what we will do with ourselves when we retire. Attending funerals of friends and relatives in my own age group is still not something that I would like to think that I will be having to do on any kind of regular basis. But it stills happens.

As a parent, my biggest nightmare is having to go my own child’s funeral. I can not imagine how that must tear a parent up inside. Never mind what seems to be an ever growing case of young people committing suicide. What is happening in our society today where we are losing so many of our children to such an insidious plague? How can we end this? Why, so often, do we not see it coming? YOUR LIFE COUNTS! (check out this link)

I don’t pretend to know the definitive answer to any of these questions. Nor do I understand why we lose or friends at such an early age. I do know that it just makes me feel sick! At the same time I feel guilty for feeling this way. I look at what has been happening in Japan right now. Whole villages have been wiped away. Nothing left! Thousands of people have been killed and people continue to die from this earth-shattering quake. So where do I get off feeling depressed? Unfortunately that just seems to add to it.

I think one of the big reasons that this is so upsetting to me is because I have been working so very hard to make myself healthier and stronger so I can have a better and longer life. All of what is going on around me is a reminder that life can be fleeting. You never know when the time set aside just for you will come along and end it all, no matter what you have done. My biggest fear is that I will get healthy, get to retirement or almost, and then have it snatched away with no say from me at all.

I remember a few years ago when my mother passed away. We knew she was very sick with ovarian cancer. She had gone into the hospital for an operation. We were told that things did not look good. After the operation, she developed a post-operative infection and became very ill. My father called us one night and told us he thought it would not be long. My mother was in a near coma. We took a couple of days off work and went down. When we got there, we went to the hospital the next morning and were very surprised to see Mom awake and alert. She was happy and talking to us making it very clear that she was going to getting out of this hospital very soon.

The word went out quickly that Mom was awake. We went out and got a number of colourful posters to put up the walls of the very drab looking room she was in. More relatives showed up and Mom greeted everyone with a smile and a hug. It was incredible!

This lasted for two days. The day we were going home, Mom had slipped back into that coma-like state. This was the last time we saw her. The day after we went home, we got a call from my father to tell us that she was gone.

To this day still, not a day goes by that I don't think of her and thank God for her and that gift we got when we got to spend those last couple of days in her loving embrace.

My Mother taught me a lot of things including the value of life. It is worth fighting for every last second. Life is just too short and too precious to not hang on to with everything you have. So despite of and also because of everything that is happening around me, I know what a gift life is. To paraphrase a line from a movie I once saw, I will not go quietly into the night! When the grim reaper comes looking for me, he better be well armed because I will fight him with everything I have.

I will live my life as best I can and make it last as long as I can.

I love you Mom.

SOJI—The Way of Cleaning

It is an important part of karate. Taking pride in one's dojo and participating in activities within the dojo that reap no rewards or merit is a fundamental concept within the study of karate. By participating in soji, students develop a sense that practicing at a dojo is more than just a physical act. It is a part of the cultural experience that cultivates spirit and deeper understanding of what it means to study karate. At a traditional dojo, soji is seen as part of the rigid discipline and training demanded by budo.

For the past few weeks I have been participating in remodeling of  our dojo. I was aware of the practice of soji and have always tried to do my bit in keeping the dojo clean and tidied up at the end of the class. This remodeling, however, has been something much, much more.

Ever since I started in karate, I have had the urge to do more for my dojo and for Sensei Laurie. The work now going on in the dojo has given me the opportunity to be able to do just that. I have a fair amount of experience with home renovating so I was very happy to be able to offer these skills to help with the dojo's refit.

Sensei Laurie has talked about making our dojo into a more traditional-looking dojo. This has meant a fairly big change. We have been repainting, fixing some minor plumbing issues, building a storage cabinet and change rooms, remounting the mirrors at the front of the dojo and a number of other small jobs.

It has been great to see how many people have pitched in to make all of this happen. It very clearly shows just how interested our members are. For me, it has been particularly rewarding because I have been able to provide the skills needed for most of the construction end of things. It has given me a real sense of belonging to and giving back to the dojo.

It has been quite a fun experience working with a number of the other adult members. There has been the bantering back and forth about colours to be chosen. Apparently there are more variations of the colours white and black than I ever imagined. (I didn't even think they were colours.) Working with members on planning what changes to make and what additions to add has been quite a group effort.

Initially, I was wondering why Sensei Laurie was going to the lengths she was going to in order to get input from as many of the adult members as she could. In my mind, it is her dojo, so why debate or even discuss these changes. She picks, we do. How mistaken I was.

People now have a sense of ownership and more than that, a feeling of real belonging. I have seen the pride in people's faces and felt it in my own heart. We have put our sweat into this dojo with the workouts and practices, but now we have put a real part of ourselves into it as well.

We still have a fair bit of work to do but we are getting there and everyone has seen what a great change this has made in our dojo and the pride it has given us to be able to give back. Sensei Laurie hopes to have a grand reopening before the end of the month. We are looking forward to this and to adding our sweat to the floor of the dojo we belong to and help build (in more ways than one).

IGNITE YOUR SOUL - Inspirationz Motivational Video

I am always searching for insperation in everything. I was searching the web for "Ignite Your Soul photos when I found this. It is quite remarkable. Enjoy!!

THE BEAST

This didn't really occur to me until the end of the work day a few days ago. It was a typical day, very busy with many things to get done. At one point during the day, I was sitting at my desk in the shop specing parts for a machine that had broken down during the night. I also had another piece of equipment on my assembly bench that was waiting for me to finish preparing for installation.

Two of the guys from an area that I work in came in and asked me if I could have a look a piece of equipment that they could not get to run smoothly. I told them that I would be happy to, but I would be a few minutes getting to them. I needed to finish up with the vendor I was working with. They told me that would be fine and they could wait.

I continued with the job at hand with the plan of skipping the machine on my assembly bench and getting out to the line to the two guys that were in to see me to get their machine running better.

A couple of minutes later, these two guys came back into my work area with the piece of equipment they were having  trouble with on a cart. They thought it would be easier for me if I could just put it up on my second bench and tune it there in the shop. One of them said, "If you can't bring Mohammad to the mountain, bring the mountain to Mohammad."

I had a laugh with them over this comment, thanked them for bringing the equipment into the shop and I told them I would have it tuned up and ready in half an hour, which I did.
I pulled the cart back out to the production floor, found one of the guys who had brought it in to me and told him it was all ready to go back in. He thanked me and told me he appreciated my time and that he knew it would now work as good as new. I responded by thanking him and telling him that I was always happy to help them out whenever I could. He smiled, said, "I know," and proceeded to reinstall the equipment. It felt good to be able to help them out and I knew the bit of time I had just taken would make their entire day go that much smoother.

Then, on my drive home, I started thinking about this simple little exchange. It was not all that long ago that having these guys interrupt me to look at something that was working reasonably well would have done nothing more than make me angry.

I have been working on improving my health for some time and had started in karate, all in an effort to make my life better. I was doing all the right things but there was still something missing. I was to the point that I hated the idea of getting up in the morning because that only meant that I was going to have to go to work and face the unfulfilling, unrewarding day. It wasn't my fault! They just didn't understand me, or appreciate me. I was mistreated. I was getting myself more and more upset with every passing day. I was having trouble sleeping during the week because I knew the morning was just going to bring another working day in an enviroment that I saw as poisonous. I was starting to feel like there was no escape. I hated my job, I hated my life and I was a prisoner it. It wasn't even my fault! I wasn't doing anything wrong. Everyone else was.

My wife saw this monster slowly growing inside me even though I tried my best not to bring it home with me. She is my inspiration in so many of the things that are good about my life, so when she said to me that I really needed to do something before this feeling of dread over work drove me over the edge, I stopped and listened.

Looking back on it now, I don't really know just what caused this feeling or state of mind to come to be, but there it was, like a monster trying to take over my very soul. I was working so hard at trying to improve everything in my life outside of work, that I just didn't stop and think about the fact that this monster was turning into this huge anchor tied around my neck, dragging me down, making it almost impossible for me to realize just what this was doing to my life despite everything else I was doing.

The biggest victim of this monster was me.

I believe that because of all my other efforts to improve my life, this monster inside me was weakened. On the surface, it seemed to have control, to have its own way. But I had unknowingly weakened its footing. All that was needed now was to give this monster inside me a push. That was exactly what my wife helped me do.

That little push that made me look back at myself and see what was going on. That push and my work before it was enough to slay the beast within. I was amazed at just how quickly and easily this happened. And, just what a huge weight it lifted from my soul.

It has been several months now since I recognized the beast and put him in his place. I can't believe what a difference it has made. I feel freed! We all still have our challenges and Lord knows, I still have mine to deal with. Sometimes, the beast even tries to make a comeback. Waiting for just the right time and there he is, rushing to the surface to break out. No, not this time, not any time.

What I have come to realize through all of this is that there is no one else but me responsible for my state of mind. It is not anyone else's fault or responsibility but mine. I own this. That means I own the beast and he is going to do as he is told because now I am ready and able to deal with him and with life because I am KARATICA.

Manjusri (Wen-shu-shih-li; J: Monju)

the Bodhisattva of Wisdom. He sits serenely upon the beast of self, taming it with firm compassion and mindful awareness.

TIME TO FIGHT BACK!

I am often amazed at how many things in life can be related back to the philosophy taught in karate. As I have talked about in earlier posts, the style of karate I am studying is called Okinawan Goju Ryu. It is a classic form of karate that involves the body and the mind.

One of the primary katas studied in Goju Ryu is called Sanchin. It can be interpreted as three battles: man against nature, man against man, and man against himself. This kata very much relates to some of the issues I have been dealing with for the last month or so.

In my last couple of posts, I talked about the difficulties I have been having in progressing with my challenge of improving my fitness level and in dealing with life in general. I've had a pretty good case of the winter blahs. Well, I am tired of it. It is time to fight back!

I have been doing a job at work that has called for me to spend quite a few very, very cold hours on the roof of the plant. Today I had to go back out again on a record cold day. I was ready. I donned my new winter boots. The best winter work boots I could find, along with layers of good winter clothing and a really good fur-lined hat. After about an hour, I felt sorry for the people working with me who had to keep running back inside to warm up. I have fought off  the cold. (man against nature)

The people who designed the equipment I have been trying to make run properly did not take into consideration our cold Canadian winter climate. I have been working with a couple of other very capable people at the plant to make alterations to the equipment so it will run properly. We have put in place a procedure that will keep everything working properly until a permanent fix is engineered. (man against man)

This week, I along with Sensei Laurie and a number of other students from Sakura Martial Arts Acadamy attended a Gojo Ryu seminar at East Wind Dojo in Ottawa. Kyoshi Frenette was giving the seminar. Kyoshi Frenette is an 8th dan black belt, the highest ranking Goju Ryu practitioner in Canada. A Goju Ryu karate seminar does not require a notebook, a desk, or even a chair. You work out as hard as you have ever worked out. You learn new techniques and new applications for old ones. You work with a Master. You work alongside other karatica. Your comrades and your friends. The workout was so strenuous, I fought the urge to give in with both my body and mind. (man against himself)

Despite all of this and the fact that I lay here in bed typing on my iPad working on beating back the cold and getting healthy, I will beat back the blues, embrace life again, winter or not, and move ahead.

I will meet my personal challenges and win. I am a warrior! Sanchin.